notes

Dealing with Conflicts

Levels of Difficult People

1. Different to Me
   • Signs:
     • faster/slower than me at work
     • take more/less risk at work
     • see things differently
     • more/less emothional
     • control kids more/less then necessary
   • Solution
     • if difference is the only problem, then just allow them live as they are, we are all different and it’s great
2. Incompetent
   • Signs
     • not very disciplined
     • not very organized
     • not very decisive
     • a bit low on communication skills and emphaty
   • Solution
     • What gaps do they have?
     • How can you adapt?
     • What gaps you may have?
3. Toxic
   • Signs
     • problems with everyone
     • critical (may be in a form of advice)
     • selfish and bad listeners
     • liar
     • time and energy consuming
     • make small things into dramas
     • they always seem to be a victim
   • Solutions
     • it’s not their fault, they are most likely impacted by bad upbrigning, bad management or just bad luck
     • do not try to change them or persuade them
     • avoid dealing with them at all cost

Tactics and Techniques

• Change youself
  • do I really care?
    • change what I think
  • can I do something to remediate?
    • change what I do
• Change someone else - always more difficult and with less change to success
  • make them aware
  • make them want to change

Dealing with Agressive People

Modern Forms of Aggression

1. Interrupting
2. Patronising
3. Ignoring
4. Stereotyping
5. Body language
   • eye rolling
6. Criticising someone behind their back
7. Not inviting someone to a meeting
8. Sulking
9. Bearing grudges

Strategies

There could be two ways to deal with them

1. Find a way to live with this behavior
   • Practice detachment - I won’t be feeling bad about myself because of their words / actions
   • Resist caving in or being aggressive back - accept their point of view, but don’t give up.
   • Set clear objectives and calmly stick to them
   • Take time out
2. Change them
   • Point out their behavior and explain how you’d like to work instead.
   • Follow the framework:
     • I understand
     • I feel
     • I want
     • Is that OK?