Listening
Bad Listeners
Why
When you don’t listen, you end up alienate people
- We always interrupt
- e.g. you have a context about what person is talking and you want to share it
- We’re nervous
- We don’t agree
Signs
- Interrupting.
- Changing topics.
- especially when the topic is important for the person you are talking with
- Debating before people finished they thoughts.
Prepare for high-stakes conversation
- Pick the right environment
- Identify the right time so that the other participant is ready to talk about it
- Be ready to focus
Listen effectively
- Be mindful of body language
- smiling
- making eye contact frequently
- adopting an open posture: for example, leaning forward towards the speaker demonstrate your interest
- not leaning back in your chair with your arms crossed in from of you as if to say ‘Come on then, interest me’
- DO NOT INTERRUPT
- You gain nothing from interrupting
- Take notes
- Focus on breathing
- Pause to think of questions, rather than formulating them in your mind while the speaker is talking.
- Small pauses for thought can reassure your speaking partner that you are engaged by what they have said.
- Ask open-ended questions
- Use the “help me understand” approach
- Can you tell me more?
- OK, got on please.
- Gotcha.
- Why is that?
- Develop empathy.
- Try to gain a deeper understanding of how the speaker feels.
- Assimilate, restate, and show you understand the impact
- Can I just clarify? You’re saying that…
- My understanding is that …
- Let me make sure I’ve got this right; you’re saying …
- So let’s recap on what has been said and agreed.
- Do not take people’s language to the extreme
- it’s especially common, when we are criticized
- Ask them for possible solutions
- do not provide people with solutions until they asked
- Build on what has been said
- What you said about… is really interesting. I think we should discuss this more.
How to listen when someone annoys you
- They may be passionate about the topic, but you are not.
- try to connect with their passition, e.g. by slightly switching the topic of discussion
- They may not think you’re listening
- They may be angry
- If you’re at fault, apologize.
- If you’re not at fault, understand what they need.
- They may have a varying worldview.